I’VE LOST TWELVE POUNDS! Woo hooo…

But last week got so busy with the kids and everything else that I just didn’t get a chance to come back and give you an update.   Let me take a moment to update you not just on my weight loss but also on my family.  I feel like I’ve been sharing with you my life here for so long now that I need to fill you in on the kids!! So many of you have become like extended family to me and I appreciate that.  So consider this like the belated Christmas card where you insert that letter telling everyone what’s been going on with the children!!

First–did I tell you we got a puppy around Christmas?  We named him Oliver.  He’s about 2 months old now and my goodness does he keep me busy!!

He loves to watch CJ on the computer.  He pays attention to everything he’s doing!

Most of the time he is very hyper but on occasion he’s calm!

We also have a cat that we got back in July.  The kids could never agree on a name for her so she ended up answering to “Kitty” and apparently that is now her name!

It’s actually pretty funny to me though how the cat and dog get along so well.  A little too well at times!

Last week they were busy being extremely mischevious.    Oddly enough they work really well together as partners in crime!

My son CJ had a field trip this week to the Symphony.   He is in his last year of elementary school and I’m extremely excited to tell you that he was accepted into a magnet school here locally where they focus on computer programming, coding and a whole lot of other things I know nothing about.  I can tell you that my son is the one to fix anything in this house that has to do with computers or electronics.   He does everything from fixing the phone to putting together furniture.   I suppose God knew I needed him and at the end sent me my son!! In fact I recently cut the cable bill altogether because he figured out how to watch everything we want to see in other (far less expensive) ways!! He absolutely loves anything to do with computers.  He designed his own mod several years back for Minecraft and has been learning to code on his own.  This opportunity to attend a school so perfectly suited to him feels like a blessing and I am so thankful that he got in!

Annabelle is in high school now and started track.  Don’t you know I’m proud of THAT?  I am so happy to see that my children are a lot more active and athletic than I was as a child!

Charlotte is in her first year of middle school.  That’s such a tough age.  I used to teach middle school (shoot…I used to BE in middle school…lol) so I really know how hard it can be.   But she has excelled there.  She’s made A/B honor roll every quarter and even gone outside of her comfort zone to try new things.  Last week her theatre arts class covered the art of a being clown last week.  She told me it’s a tough job “because no one takes you seriously.”  HA!  I thought that was cute.

The big event last week was that my oldest daughter, Savannah, turned 20 years old!!

I am the mother of a TWENTY YEAR OLD!!

We had a great time celebrating her birthday.  Here are a few pictures of my girl!!

Quick update on my oldest.  She is in her second year at UTSA and she is doing absolutely terrific.  As of right now, she has decided to major in Special Education.  I’m really proud of her.   As a teacher myself, I kind of love that she wants to do that. She has always had an interest in helping others overcome difficulties so I really think this is an area she will love.  Of course I changed my  major at least 3 times when I was in college so we’ll see.  But for now that’s the plan!!

And while we had a cake I can honestly tell you I did not eat a single bite.

And here is the clincher….I wasn’t even tempted to.

That is 100{0d9774446e5c1c486b14bfd00f317fb53ff44ec6f4ca4ad04b1a0b82436e9f13} due to the sugar being out of my system.   This is the beauty of hanging on and pressing through the fog.   The more freedom you attain the easier it becomes.   And while it has been especially hard for me to find my way back to what works—it is finally happening.

I’ve lost almost 12 pounds.

11.7 to be exact

All since I wrote the “Train Wreck” post  last month.

At that time I weighed 268 pounds. Today the scale said this.

Please ignore my toes in bad need of a pedicure :))

I’m happy to say this past month has probably been the most productive month I’ve had in a long time.

This is why I like journaling.  You can go back and literally watch yourself crawling out of the dark.   As you all know I write this blog in real time.   Which means sometimes my writing is clear and level headed while other times I seem to be ‘lost in the sauce’ .

I actually can’t believe that expression just came out.  I haven’t said ‘lost in the sauce’ in ages!! But you get what I mean.  There are times when I probably sound clueless, backwards and upside down.  And that is because when a person like myself becomes lost YET AGAIN down the rabbit hole of food/sugar addiction it feels as if we have been spun around and let loose in the dark.

This can happen I believe even when you are not binging or gaining massive amounts of weight.   For the past few years it seems I’ve been doing nothing more than toying around with the same 10 pounds.  Sure I stopped the flood gates once I had gained back 100 pounds but I never could get it off again.  I never could get my head screwed on straight.   I continued to just maintain or lose/regain the same 10 pounds repeatedly because I was too busy going down rabbit trails.   Chasing this or that new idea seemingly unwilling to just do what needs to be done.

What is this strange phenomenon that happens to so many of us where we clearly know what we should be doing and yet we seem unable to find the motivation or the clarity to become aware of it?

I have never been more frustrated than I was just a month ago.  I believe I wrote two or three posts right after the trainwreck post where I was all over the map.   I even felt close to hopeless for a time that I was really ever going to see another pound leave this body.   It’s hard to believe that in the past month I’ve managed to lose almost 12 pounds.   To me that is very meaningful because it is a wall I am going past that has been unbreakable for a very long time.

That 10 pound mark.

I just haven’t been able to get past it.  As soon as I lose it, I gain it all back.   If I manage to keep going beyond this 10 pounds then I believe I will really have turned a corner.   And I owe a lot of that no doubt to getting back to blogging! To not hiding. Just putting out there what is happening and saying….there it is!! Now what?!

I really do feel the benefit from others comments, feedbacks, emails and encouragement.   I know I don’t always get a chance to reply to comments but I read all of them.   And even people who may not agree with me are still people I appreciate.  Because I know we are all on this same path together.  Our paths may look different but we’re all trying to get to the same place.   Peace with food!

I’d love to tell you that a person can just slam dunk this issue and be DONE with it for life.  And in reality there are probably a great many people who can.  But it may just depend on the level and severity of your addiction or problem with food.  How deep rooted it is in your life.  How far back it goes.  And how all encompassing it may be.

I wish I could have been that person who was successful on round one.

Oh heck….round ten even!

Who am I kidding?  Round 1 BILLION!

But I’m not.  I’m the person who has had to try and fail every single attempt multiple times.  I’m the person who actually found the solution more than once and then still walked away from it which can only be attributed to some kind of mental issue!  Knowing answers and refusing to follow them is more behavioral than it is anything else I suppose.  But I’m even the person who went so far as to have weight loss surgery and then STILL regain 100 pounds.   Ultimately ‘failing’ at that as well.

At the end of the day, weight loss surgery couldn’t fix me.  I have had to go way beyond that to find answers.   But  I have found them.  I feel as if I’ve almost earned a PhD in the subject of food and how I relate to it.

But right now in this moment—things are looking up.

The key for me has literally been finding my way back to what I did in the first place.  Returning to the beginning is not always a bad thing.  I lost 250 pounds because I found what worked.  The reason I stopped losing and started gaining was very simply because I stopped doing what was working.  I started adding things in.  Muddying the water.  Making compromises.  Rationalizing.  And of course…eating sugar!

I did not gain back weight because what I was doing didn’t work.

I gained back weight because quite simply I stopped doing what worked!  Not all at once mind you– but that is the way a slippery slope works.  It gets you slightly off track one little step at a time until suddenly you wake up so far off the grid you wonder how you got there.

I have only myself to really blame.  It’s like running your car off the road and then trying to blame the road.

The road threw me off!!

Or missing a stair and falling but blaming the stairs.

No it was me that missed that step.

This is the reality.  We can know what works and then still fail to do it.  I hate to point the blame at myself but really there is no where else to go.   The real question  is why would I stop doing what works intentionally?

That will just have to be a question for another day!!

Here’s to Monday (oh wait it’s Tuesday..) and another successful week.  Let’s always remember that we are individuals and we must understand that weight loss will never be a complete one size fits all.   But when you find what works for YOU…then it’s important to do what my Mom used to always say to me when she saw I needed to FOCUS–

“Holly…don’t look left nor right.  Just keep looking ahead and keep getting the ball down the field!”

Sounds like good advice for a Monday, yes?!  Well it will have to work for a Tuesday as well! I meant to post this yesterday but close enough!

(c) 300 Pounds Down – Read entire story here.