If you’re someone who is familiar with the season of Lent, then you know it’s the time of year many focus on sacrificing something for God.  Giving something up that may get in the way of your relationship with Him.  Whatever takes your focus from growing spiritually.

In the past I have automatically gone straight to the standard things that most everyone decides to give up.   A quick survey on the internet reveals some of these things as the top choices to try and give up during Lent:

1. Chocolate
2. Alcohol
3. Cussing
4. Soda
5. Meat
6. Social Media

And the list goes on and on

If I’m being honest, I’ve always rather envied people who give up any type of food for Lent.  Because to me that means the other days of the year they don’t think about it.  That it’s only those 40 days when they focus on giving up some kind of food instead of having their whole life dominated by that effort.

For me, choosing any kind of food to give up for 40 days would be like any other time of the year.   I spent 365 days a year trying to give up various kinds of food.  In that realm my whole life felt like Lent.  At least in the food department.  Because there was almost never a day I was not somehow trying to stay away from it!  Certainly I’m always aware of how using food has inhibited my life spiritually.  Going to food for comfort rather than God.   So for me that was not anything I would ever choose to ‘give up’.  It was always already the effort I was generally making.   That usually left me wondering what else I should focus on.

But this past week I heard a message given that really surprised me.  The idea was to give up something that you wouldn’t necessarily consider a ‘sacrifice’.  The suggestion was to give up depression, worry and negative thinking.  To give up the mindset of defeat.

This is not something I would ever consider giving up for Lent.  Yet when you really think about it, these things DO get in the way of our focus.   They do distract us from the hope we need to fuel our efforts towards health.  If we are constantly living with thoughts of worry, anxiety, depression and defeat then how can we truly expect ourselves to believe that God is on our side?  How can we honestly get up in the morning and begin living out a plan of eating if every other thought we allow to travel through our mind is one of hopelessness?  Thoughts that we cannot overcome overeating.  That no matter what we do we will fail.

As I was driving home last week, I started to think more about the message I had heard.

And if I’m being honest, this is what I really thought.

I thought….this is selfish.

To give up thoughts of depression or anxiety is not really a sacrifice I thought to myself.  It’s not something that I am doing to help God.  It’s something I am doing to help myself.  If I were to stop thinking thoughts of self defeat then isn’t that really just a self centered way of making myself feel better?  It isn’t for God.  It’s for me! Not thinking thoughts of guilt or anxiety is just another way to pump myself up and make myself feel more positive.  How does giving that up correspond to the idea of sacrificing something for God?

This is how I felt on the subject so I initially dismissed the whole idea.  But it kept coming up in my thoughts through the week.   It was such an unusual idea to me that I just kept thinking about it.  Or maybe God allowed it to stay in my mind for a reason.  I began to wonder if trying to give up this wrong way of thinking was in any way a sacrifice?  And this was the persistent thought that kept going through my mind.

Even if I wanted to ‘give up depression’ or ‘give up feeling defeated’–it isn’t possible.  

I can’t control those feelings or thoughts.   And I can’t deny that actual mistakes I’ve made or circumstances that I’ve been through have in fact forced those feelings on me.  I mean what good does it do for me to pretend that things have not happened?

Let’s say I gave up my feelings of defeat and depression regarding the weight I regained.  Am I supposed to just pretend that I didn’t gain back 100 pounds?  Sure I’m getting back to what works.  Sure I’ve lost 10 pounds.  But that doesn’t change the fact that I would already have been at my goal 5 times by now had I just stuck to what I knew worked.  The fact that I screwed up is my fault.   Shall I just act as if I’m not deserving of the guilt I feel?  I feel that way because I SHOULD feel that way.   Because I deserve to feel that way.

Last year, I moved my children out of a place we loved to a place we all despised.  The whole year was a waste.  A waste of money.  A waste of time.  All it did was cause problems.  Yes we moved back but I’m still trying to set up this new house the way we want it.  Starting all over again and for no reason other than a big mistake.  If I don’t sit around regretting that and feeling guilty about it then I’m just letting myself off the hook.   I’m denying that it’s MY responsibility.   To let go of that is irresponsible.  I should feel those things.   I deserve to feel those things.  After all I am the one that created that situation.  So why should I get off without consequences?

Besides..it’s not something I do intentionally.   Feeling guilty.   Feeling defeated.

And since it’s not something I intentionally DO… it’s not something I can just ‘give up’.

I mean you give up things that you DO….not things that you FEEL.  Right?

What about feeling defeat over not adhering perfectly to a food plan?  How many times in life don’t I face THAT emotion?  I promised myself I would do this.  And now I’ve done that.  Should I just pretend that away as well?  Should I just let myself get by with that?

All of the things I’ve written above are the actual thoughts that go through my mind.  But they aren’t the original thoughts.  They are the SECOND thoughts.  The thoughts I think AFTER the original thought.  The thoughts that come from my effort to give up the first thoughts!

Did that make any sense at all??

You see, I hear a message like the one last week.  The one that says giving up those thoughts would be a sacrifice.  And so maybe I try it.  But I’m no good at it because the minute I try to wipe those thoughts from my mind, the second set of thoughts move right on in.  The ones that say it’s wrong to dismiss those thoughts.  It’s selfish.  It’s irresponsible.  You deserve to feel this way.  You SHOULD feel this way.  And in fact it’s GOOD that you feel this way!  That means you’re honest with who you are.  You’re self aware.  You know that you’ve screwed things up and you feel really terrible about it.  Finally we’ve arrived.  You’re a piece of junk!! And at least you know it!

Now isn’t that pleasing to God?  I mean surely He is going to be satisfied with the fact that you acknowledge your faults.  Your weaknesses.  Your totally imperfect ways.  Isn’t that what makes Him happy?  So giving that up would be wrong.

This is the way my mind works.  This is what I tend to believe in the core of who I am.

And as I’ve pondered this for the past week, I’ve realized that holding on to this way of thinking is hard to give up because it keeps me focused on myself.  My past.  My problems.  And my inadequacy at fixing any of it.  If I stay focused on that then I am focused on myself.  On self pity.  And that really has zero to do with any faith in God to change things.

It never occurred to me that giving up this line of thinking would be anything other than selfish.  But the truth is that continuing to persist with this line of thinking is where the selfishness lies.  Dwelling on my weaknesses is really nothing more than standing in the mirror all day and looking into my own eyes.  Focusing on me.   Staring into myself and staying there.

If I say that giving up those thoughts is impossible then I lack faith in God to remove them from me.

If I say that the mistakes I have made in the past are irreparable and cannot be used for good then I am effectively telling God He is a liar.   He clearly states that in all things God will cause it to work out for good if we love Him and trust Him (Romans 8:28).  He even says things that were intended to harm us can be used to actually accomplish the very things He wants for us in our life (Genesis 50:20).  If that is true then why should I dwell on all these past regrets? If God has already said He intends to take those things and USE THEM for good then why am I allowing them to drag me down?  By refusing to answer back to those defeating thoughts with an alternate line of thinking then I am actually choosing to believe them over anything God has promised.  I am choosing to believe MYSELF and not Him.  I am actually elevating myself as the author of truth.  Actively choosing to have less faith in Him and more faith in me.

And how can THAT be in any way pleasing to God?

When I was thinking of what it would mean to give up this way of thinking, I remember feeling that it would be selfish.  That it would not in any way please God.  Yet I know we are told that it is IMPOSSIBLE to please God without faith?  He clearly has said that if we don’t have faith in Him and refuse to believe in His promises then we simply cannot please Him (Hebrews 11:6)  And if I choose to dwell every day in a depressing and defeatist mindset then that is choosing to not have faith that God can change my situation.

Giving up those thoughts would be pleasing to God.  In fact it would be more than just pleasing.  It would be following what He has already asked me to do.   And so in fact it would be the perfect thing to give up!

At the end of the day, those thoughts will come and go.  I cannot simply give them up the way I can throw chocolate in the trash can.  I can choose to not buy junk food at the store.  But I cannot choose every thought that drops into my mind.  I’m not a computer.  I can’t just delete files.  I can’t just erase that download.  It’s never that simple.

But I am able to answer those thoughts back.  Maybe I won’t feel like I believe the positive thoughts.  Maybe I’ll still have to deal with the feelings of guilt and regret.  But by at least choosing to respond in my mind with the truth when those thoughts happen I am making an effort.  I am stepping out in faith and acting on what God has said.  I am choosing to not let those thoughts just rest idly in my mind.  Taking up uninvited space.  I am choosing to add in God’s point of view.  The point of view that says whatever has happened is not the end.  It can be used for good.  It can be a lesson for the future.  It can even be good in the end!

It’s so hard to believe that.   It’s so hard to really have faith in that.  But that is why it’s a sacrifice?? That is why choosing to intentionally think positive thoughts and answer back to our defeatist thoughts is a sacrifice.  It takes time.  It takes work.  And it’s not easy.   What is easy is letting thoughts float through my mind at will whenever they please.  What is NOT easy is taking the time to challenge those thoughts.   To find a way to answer them back.  What is not easy is taking extra time out of my day to actively fill my mind with truth.   It’s so much easier to just let go and let depression take me.   It’s so much easier to just stay in pajamas and turn on Netflix.  It’s easier to just give up, give in and give away the control of my life to whatever self defeating thought chooses to visit me at any given time.

Actively fighting this mindset is work.  It is the opposite of easy.  It takes planning.   Maybe even writing out a list of things to say in response to the most common self defeating thoughts that attack us on a daily basis.   Maybe taking 15 minutes every day to meditate on the opposite line of thinking.  The positive thoughts.  The truthful statements that we can change.  That we can overcome our strongholds.  To choose to believe that things can change takes work.  It takes effort.  It is a battle we must actively fight.   And that is a sacrifice.  A sacrifice of our time.   A sacrifice even of what we believe!! Choosing to give up the deeply embedded belief system we have that nothing will ever get better.   A depressing and yet familiar way of living that actually requires sacrifice to give up!!

As odd as it sounds, I think this is a perfect thing to work on during the season of Lent.  I can’t say that I have ever formally followed religious seasons but I’d say this one is quite perfect for me right now.  If there is anything I am all too familiar with in this life it’s self defeat.  It’s making mistakes and dwelling on them.  It’s finding a way to feel depressed even when the sun is shining!  And food is always going to be the perfect companion for someone with that personality.   The only way to change is to try.   And the only way to find the will to try is to have hope.

Hope lives not within the confines of a self defeated soul but in the rays of light that extend from outside of ourselves.  Those rays of light may be God.  They may be people we encounter along the journey.   Whatever they may be though they are reaching towards us and we must reach back.

We must get out of our own head and into the realm of hope that lives right on  the fringe between giving up and trying once again.

Hope can only be found when we have faith in something that we believe can help us.  And in the promises of the One who has asked us to simply believe what He says.   But it’s never that simple.  Never that easy.  It takes great effort to believe things can get better.  And to choose to believe that in spite of your circumstances truly takes sacrifice.  It takes effort.  To try one more time to see through the fog no matter how thick.

I know it can happen.  I know He is capable.  But it takes giving up the thoughts of our past.  It takes sacrificing the old way of thinking.  And it’s not something we can do just for a season.   For just 40 days.  It’s something we must do for a lifetime.   And yes that takes sacrifice.  It takes work.  It takes putting one foot in front of the other as my Mom used to say and just moving forward 15 minutes at a time or 30 seconds at a time.  No matter what.   Choosing to do that is the first step out of the dark and into the light.

It’s not an easy step to take.  But it’s the one that leads towards the path of hope.  And while protein shakes and walking can help, hope is the necessary ingredient that binds it all together.

Hope is— in the end— what makes every new beginning a possibility.

(c) 300 Pounds Down – Read entire story here.