Recently, I came face to face with my Restrictive Eating Cycle and was one teetering step away from diving right back into my old habits and patterns. Thankfully, I have this practice of mindful eating in my toolbox and was able to redirect myself back to an Instinctive Eating Cycle after I had taken healthy eating too far. But I’m not kidding you, it was a very close call!

I had to laugh when I returned to work on Monday, and sitting in my inbox was Michelle May’s article, A Diet by Any Other Name is Still a Diet! I couldn’t believe Michelle had written about the exact experience I had just had!

Here’s what happened using the seven questions Michelle suggested in A Diet by Any Other Name Is Still a Diet.

1.    What is your Intention?

In my opinion, I have a very healthy and well-balanced diet. I eat whole, nutritious foods that fuel my active lifestyle. I’ve always had a sweet tooth so since learning about Am I Hungry? I have enjoyed eating the desserts I love without guilt.

Recently though, my boyfriend and I have been eating desserts in excess and not mindfully at all. It had been going on long enough and regularly enough that I had started to feel very real and very negative physical, emotional, and mental effects. I wasn’t sleeping well, my anxiety was getting worse, I had major brain fog, and generally just felt awful. Yet every night, there we were again, walking across the street for another dessert.

From past experience, I understood that my physical symptoms were coming from my diet so I knew I needed to make some changes. However, also from past experience, I was fearful of eliminating any food groups again and obsessively jumping right back into a restrictive lifestyle. On the flip side, I am a person who responds well to structure. So now what?

After months of “starting over on Monday,” we decided to commit to 30 days without sugar My intention was to remember how good I felt before I started eating it in excess, then after 30 days, find a balance between fueling my body properly and enjoying desserts more mindfully and moderately.

2.    Do you feel restricted?

At first no. In fact I felt amazing! My anxiety was reduced to a minimum, the brain fog lifted, and I was getting restful sleep every night. I had an abundance of energy that I hadn’t felt in months! I was still eating plenty of foods I loved and felt satisfied, in fact, I didn’t have any cravings for nearly two weeks.

After two weeks I could hear the restrictive voices whispering in my ear: “You look really good!” and “Wow, you’re not bloated anymore.” I started to fear what would happen when the 30 days was over. Then I heard the voice and the comment that always sent me over the edge in the past: “Now that you’ve come this far, you can’t ever go back”

Uh-oh…

3.    Does your life feel bigger or smaller?

In the beginning it felt bigger. I had more energy to do the things I love (and to tolerate the people I love!). But then as social events came up, I felt like my old restrictive self, nit-picking ingredients and restaurant menus. I couldn’t even enjoy a s’more at the bonfire we hosted at our house.

Life was definitely beginning to feel smaller.

4.    Is it worth it?

Nope. That bonfire changed everything. There I was, hosting a bonfire, drinking sparkling water, and avoiding the s’more tray as if it were the plague. My intention for the bigger picture was to eat to fuel my body for my active lifestyle, and mindfully enjoy some sweets when I wanted to. Feeling socially awkward and deprived because of my “diet” was exactly what I didn’t want. I know I said this was just for 30 days, but seriously? Missing out on life and a gourmet s’more with friends just wasn’t worth it.

5.    Would moderation be more effective than none?

Yes! I could enjoy a s’more or two. I didn’t have to eat all the s’mores!

6.    What about pleasure?

I’ve seen how good I feel without an excessive amount of sugar for two weeks. My intelligent brain knows one s’more won’t create the catastrophe my restrictive voice was trying to convince me it would. So I ate one with my friends and enjoyed every single bite! Then life went on. Surprise! The world did not end.

7.    Have you turned mindful eating into another diet?

I sure had for a couple of weeks. On one hand it was very mindful of me to recognize that overeating certain foods wasn’t making me feel good so I made a mindful and conscious choice to eliminate them temporarily. However even temporary elimination turned into restrictive eating for me. That was an important lesson that I won’t forget.

Mindful eating is, in fact, a journey. This probably won’t be the last time I overdo the sweets or resort to restrictive thinking, but I have proven to myself that I have all the tools I need to return to mindful eating as soon as I become aware of what it happening. Since the s’more awakening, I have restored balance to my life. I am back to fueling myself with nutritious, delicious, satisfying foods, and enjoying the occasional dessert or dinner out without stressing over every ingredient. I still choose to steer clear of foods that don’t make me feel good and I am confident in those decisions. I am grateful to have this knowledge and a community in Am I Hungry? to take this journey with.

Did anyone else relate to Michelle’s article? Have you been able to make voluntary dietary changes without going overboard? Please comment below; I’d love to hear your story!

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