21 Signs of a Narcissistic Mother (Be Concerned if She Has Many of Them)

25 Signs of a Narcissistic Mother

• 1. She has to be the center of attention all the time. This is a defining feature of narcissism. She will steal the spotlight or spoil any occasion if someone else is the center of attention.

• 2. She demeans, criticizes and makes derogatory remarks to you. She always lets you know that she thinks less of you than your siblings or other people.

• 3. She violates your boundaries. You feel like an extension of her. There is no privacy in your bathroom or bedroom; she regularly goes through your things to find information she then uses against you.
• 4. She ‘favoritizes’. Narcissistic mothers often have one child who is “the golden child” and another who is the scapegoat.
• 5. She undermines She will pick a fight with you or be especially critical and unpleasant just before you have to make a major effort.
• 6. Everything she does is ‘deniable’. Cruelties are couched in loving terms; aggressive acts are paraded as thoughtfulness.
• 7. She makes YOU look crazy. When you confront her with something she’s done, she’ll tell you that you have “a very vivid imagination” (common phrase that abusers use to invalidate your experience of their abuse) or that she has “no idea what you are talking about”.
• 8. She’s jealous. If you get something nice, she’ll take it from you, spoil it for you or get something the same or better for herself.
• 9. She’s a continuous liar. To you, she lies blatantly. To outsiders, she lies thoughtfully and in ways that can always be covered up.
• 10. She manipulates your emotions in order to “feed on your pain”. This behavior is so common among narcissistic mothers that they are often referred to as “emotional vampires”.
• 11. She is selfish and willful. She makes sure SHE has the best of everything and always has to have her way.
• 12. She is self-absorbed. Her feelings, needs and wants are Very Important and yours are irrelevant or insignificant.
• 13. She is almost absurdly defensive and extremely sensitive to criticism.
• 14. She terrorized you. Narcissists teach you to beware of their wrath. If you give her everything she wants, you might be spared; but if you don’t-the punishments WILL come.
• 15. She’s childish and petty; “getting even” with you is important to her.
• 16. She is aggressive and shameless. She doesn’t ask, she demands. She won’t take no for an answer-she will push, arm-twist, or otherwise manipulate or abuse you until you give in.
• 17. She “parentifies”. She sheds her parental responsibilities to the child as soon as she is able.
• 18. She is exploitive. She will go to any length to get things from others for nothing (work, money, objects)- including taking money out of her children’s account or even stealing their identities.
• 19. She projects. She will put her own poor behavior or character onto you so she can punish you. For example, you refuse an especially outlandish request of hers, she becomes enraged and furious at your refusal, then screams at you, “we’ll talk about it after you’ve calmed down and aren’t hysterical”.
• 20. She is never wrong about anything. She will never, ever genuinely apologize for anything she has done or said.
• 21. She is not aware that other people have feelings. She will occasionally slip up in public, and because of her lack of sympathy, will say something so callous it causes disbelief in people. The absence of empathy is another defining trait of narcissism and underlies most of the other signs that are on this list.