body/self image
When I’m Wrong, I Say I’m Wrong
Wow, do I owe my kid an apology. This morning I was in the midst of our usual harried morning hell trying to get four of us out the door to work or school, and Maya was dilly-dallying in her room, taking her sweet old time putting her socks on. This is not a complicated task; it’s something she’s been doing every day since she was TWO. And she was taking for-freaking-ever. I had been yelling raising my voice at her to hurry for at least ten minutes and, surprise, surprise … in spite of escalating, I was getting nowhere. You see, **rationally** I know yelling absolves nothing and only increases my blood pressure … but let’s be honest … I’…
School “secrets”
Like most working parents, I miss the bulk of my kids’ days during the week — days which I hear about through their stories, their daily reports, glimpses I catch on the webcam and the funny/embarrassing anecdotes their teachers tell me on the way out the door. I sometimes feel guilty for this fact — something I’ve been pretty vocal about here on the blog — but I live for their huge smiles and wild greetings where they leap into my arms. The minute I’m with them, my work brain shuts off. I’m back in “mom mode.” And I love hearing the latest school gossip: who is now best friends with whom, who went to the office, who ate seconds of …
Support #GivingTuesday and Mental Fitness
This December, the Mental Fitness nonprofit (we manage the #RealDeal body image site) is participating in the December giving #GivingTuesday, a national month of giving! Our nonprofit’s goal is to raise at least five thousand dollars ($5,000) towards our 2016 programming that connects evidence-based mental wellness programs to schools across the nation in an effort to get […](Visited 32 times, 11 visits today)
Don’t Let Regrets Stress You Out or Push You Toward Food
Many people get hung up on regrets. What they wish they’d had or done takes up more real estate in their heads than the lives they’re currently living. To dwell in regret is like walking down a street looking backwards. While making yourself miserable, you miss the only part of your life that matters: now. […](Visited 58 times, 14 visits today)
What If Anxious Eating is About Things Insignificant and Inconsequential
A while ago, imagine my surprise when I turned left at an intersection and went through a red light. (I expected the yellow light to become a green turn arrow as it usually did at this intersection). Knowing the intersection has a red-light camera, I figured I’d probably receive a ticket. Immediately, feeling anxiety rising, […](Visited 130 times, 40 visits today)
Maintaining a Stable Sense of Self
Many dysregulated eaters find it difficult to keep a stable sense of self at all times, that is, to hold a core, positive regard for themselves that is undeniable and unwavering—no matter what. With an unstable sense of self, you feel fantastic about yourself when you’ve done well or when people like and praise you, […](Visited 61 times, 38 visits today)
Fit to Fat to Fit. Are you kidding me?
There is a new series that is supposed to give fitness trainers a glimpse into the world of those of us that have a difficult time losing weight. I find myself perplexed. On the one hand, I am thrilled that trainers will understand why we do not come to gyms. On the other hand, I […](Visited 100 times, 56 visits today)
Self-compassion Is the Key to “Normal” Eating
Many people lack self-compassion, but it’s especially crucial for people who’ve come to hate their food failures and bodies. Make no mistake, lacking self-compassion puts you on the fast track to self-hate, so it’s a quality that none of us can afford to be without. First off, self-compassion is not: accepting unhealthy habits, giving up […](Visited 76 times, 31 visits today)
Eating Is Not a Life Skill
A client who’s recovering from alcoholism mentioned in a session that when she was anxious, she really, really, really craved a drink. We talked about how having a drink would affect her afterward—the shame and remorse she’d feel—and how, by drinking, she’d really, really, really be missing an opportunity to practice crucial life skills. Addictions […](Visited 8 times, 8 visits today)
When You Can’t Get What You Really Want, You Eat
When dysregulated eaters think they can’t get what they really want in life, they too often turn to food. They’re not hungry (not a smidge!), but end up on a mission to find something edible to satisfy them. And heaven help anyone who gets in their way. I know just what this process is like […](Visited 40 times, 41 visits today)
Critical Fat Care: Recovering from a Concussion
When you get into a car accident and you are Fat, a Woman and African American of Slave Decent, your experience is unique, to say the least. I still and always will believe that my life experiences as a Fat person, outweigh those of being a Black Woman. This could be different for other black […](Visited 20 times, 20 visits today)
Giving Others the Gift of Our Sight
So often what we want most when we’re overwhelmed, afraid, exhausted, lost, a foreigner in our own bodies is to be seen. To be heard. To have another human being understand, really understand, what we’re going through, where we’re coming from. To have another human being listen, without texting, without looking around, without criticizing. To look at us directly, to look into our eyes. To be present with us wholeheartedly. To say, I see you, I hear you, I am here. We don’t want advice. We don’t even want reassurance that everything will be OK. No. What we want is to be witnessed as we are. The pain. The longing. The confusion. The uncertainty. The anxiety. The shame. As David Whyte beautifully…