“I mustache you a question!”

(Trigger warning: Mentions weight loss, GI disorders)

Really though, I felt okay at the moment this was taken despite having a GI condition that makes it harder to lose weight or digest food properly. It also causes severe abdominal pain and heavy bloating. Lately, I’ve been trying out food elimination to help my doctor (and myself) figure out what is causing the underlying problem and it’s been very blah. 

It kind of blows when you are told you have to eliminate something so expansive such as dairy or all gluten containing products. Even worse when you find out that some of the gluten-free and dairy free products contain soy, which you also might be reactive to. It tends to severely reduce the amount of food choices you have. And of course, all of my favorite foods are in those three categories.

Sadly, I’ve had a GI disorder my entire life and I can remember my parents being frustrated by my “unwillingness” to go to the bathroom when in fact, I couldn’t. In high school, it switched over to the other problem, but I remained constantly unable to go like people who don’t have these issues. And of course, when you have no frame of reference, you just sort of accept that that’s normal. Obviously, that’s not true.

When I was in college, they officially diagnosed me with IBS-M (back then, it was only IBS-C or IBS-D, they didn’t have the additional A and M classifications). However, no doctor ran any sort of tests. So I just had to use their general guidelines for food while attempting to get down to a regular (for me) weight from all the crap I ate while in college. 

Obviously, the suggestions didn’t really work. Increasing fiber didn’t help. Eating yogurt with helpful bacteria didn’t help either. Nothing has made me regular. Drinking tons of water (while great for my skin) also never really helped outside of helping with water retention. 

So now, we fast forward several years and I find that the condition is making it hard to progress with weight loss or exercise (very hard to even walk long distances when you are so bloated and constipated from being unable to go for several weeks). And that’s a drag because I really enjoy my long walks. It’s also a drag because I had to start relying on laxatives (which I hate and I know is not long-term sustainable). So after observing my body for about two months and realizing that this was becoming a hindrance, I decided to check in with my body mechanic (IE. the doctor) and see what was up. 

This doctor actually seemed to listen to me. For nearly 20 years I have been telling doctors that no, I’m not refusing to go, I literally can’t. At least, not without help more than half the time. So this doctor ran a bunch of panel tests (which I’m still waiting to hear back from) and put me on this allergen testing food restrictive diet. This month, it’s milk. Next month, it’s gluten. If nothing improves, I have to go see a specialist and that kind of freaks me out.

Personally, I just want an answer. And I want to be able to have normal movements like regular people. I want to look in the mirror and not look like I’m five months pregnant due to abdominal bloating and being constantly constipated. It would be nice to not have to plan everything I eat and anywhere I go around this so called functional disorder. I don’t want it to be that the only time I can go is either with medical help.. or during my period in which IBS-C switches to IBS-D with a vengeance. It would be lovely not to have to deal with never having clothes fit except after I take a laxative because I am so horribly bloated and in pain that anything touching my stomach makes the pain worse. It would also be grand if television and the media would stop treating IBS (since that’s the current diagnosis and has been for years) as though it’s some sort of comical condition that isn’t really a condition at all, but the butt of all their jokes or some insipid book some guy on a Doritos commercial is reading to keep people away from him on the train.

I may not die from this, but I would hardly call it functional. And it’s definitely not funny when I’m rolling around on the floor in pain because my intestines despise me. I get that people who don’t have this condition (or other GI disorders/diseases) don’t really get it. They don’t understand how embarrassing and frankly horrifying this disorder and others like it are. Or how gut-wrenchingly (literal) painful it is. 

And sure, I have great days (like when this photo was taken), but those days are so few and far between and have been since I was very young that it is hard to stay positive. But still, I persist. I persist because I want to be happy and as healthy as I possibly can be. I have life left to live for and more things to do.

I’m really hoping that I will find answers sometime soon. Trying to stay positive. <3

BE BRAVE! JOIN THE BODY PEACE REVOLUTION!

(c) STOP HATING YOUR BODY – Read entire story here.