Hello 🙂

It is Tuesday evening and I am sitting wrapped up in blankets as i am freezing despite it being around 18 degrees outside today, but ive had to walk around wearing my jacket in school and double layers in doors. It feels like a throw back to the past when i was freezing despite it being summer and warm, though now i blame it on the stress and my body is just weird when it comes to temperature… either i am really warm or really cold, and not to mention that i have bad blood circulation to my feet and hands so they are always icy cold. However, that was not what i was going to write about, hahaha.

This morning i woke up feeling positive, despite snoozing for 30 minutes though i blame that on the fact that i couldnt fall asleep yesterday so the hours ticked by and there wasnt many hours of sleep before my alarm rang. And that tiredness hit me hard when i eventually got to school and not to mention that my stomach has been like a black hole, so my thoughts have mostly been on food and sleep.

Today i had two seminariums and for my first one despite having prepared and answered the questions necessary i hadnt actually learnt anything. I have been so mentally exhausted so all i could really do was answer the questions and not actually learn the information, and that showed itself during the seminarium where pretty much all i said was wrong… and now in afterhand i feel so embarrassed. Because some things which i said i know are wrong, but my mind just wasnt co operating. So not so sure if i passed or if i will have to do a complementary assignment, but atleast i know the information somewhat even if i didnt exactly prove it when i had the chance, oh well. After that anyway i had 3,5 hours of waiting time until it was time for my next seminarium. And during that 3,5 hours i got a little work done though my energy levels went from “just had 10 cups of coffee” to “i want to sleep for 48 hours straight” and it just went up and down, up and down… so would have 20 minutes of productivity and then 10 minutes wondering if i should just head home and accept a complementary assignment for the missed seminarium, but i stayed for those 3,5 hours and somehow managed to get myself through the seminarium though not really answering to the best of my capability as i had only done the bare minimum of preparations – once again, mental tiredness. But i think i passed, or i hope so anyway.

And i also left in my essay/report, and not feeling so great with that essay but now ive left it in and can tick that off my list anyway. So it feels like i have a little more room to breathe and little less on my shoulders after today. So this evening i have been able to just eat, rest and watch series and not feel like i have to do anything else as i have been so productive today! Its a nice feeling, and now im ready for tomorrow which is my last lecture of the week and then its just study at home for my test!

Onto other things, it feels good to be back in my own apartment again however i am missing Daisy alot. I dont miss people, maybe a bad quality/trait but thats just how i am, but i do miss my dog and whenever i see people out walking with their dogs or see pictures of people with their dogs i miss Daisy a little extra, hahaha. Its strange how you can miss an animal so much, but not miss other people…. That sounds so awful when i write it XD hahahah. Though i guess i cant write that in any nice way and i just hope that my family and such dont read my blog ^_^

Anyway, to end this post…. my positives of the day:

Sunshine, because even if i havent felt so warm today i can atleast appreciate the sun!
My workout – taking it easy, but it still feels great to workout.
Ticking 3 assignments off my list.

My tattoos… Each time i see them they always make me so happy. Many people dont understand or like tattoos and thats ok, as long as they respect my choice to have them and that i like them. I mean i respect their choice to not like or have tattoos… but for me, i love mine so much and they are a part of me. A part of my life and my history and so much meaning as well as i love the fact that they make m unique (even if my tattoos are far from unique, they are as original as you can be), but they make me who i am. And they remind me to be happy, to reach for my goals, to keep fighting and to keep going no matter how tough it may be, to keep breathing even when i just want to give up but also to keep focusing on the positives and the happiness, let go of the negative and to reach my goals and dreams!!

(c) A Life without Anorexia – Read entire story here.