Eating Disorders

Expectations. An event that you are anticipating to happen. When suffering from an eating disorder you become somewhat of a perfectionist, setting the bar high for yourself and expecting to see the results. Should you fall short of such standards, you feel a failure that overrides any logical way of thinking. It can make it harder to accept yourself accompanied by a persistent need of punishment for what is perceived as an ‘underachievement’. Most of the time your food intake takes the biggest hit. The same expectations can be laid down for recovery. There is an unspoken pressure to wake up one day and suddenly ‘be better’ but that is unlikely if not impossible. Eating a ‘forbidden’ food one day with no problem would mean you are …

Holiday. For many, this is the opportunity to take the time off work and relax, taking a well earned break from the hustle and bustle of life. For someone like me however, this is when the real work begins. Leaving your home means leaving your comfort zone entirely and losing control of your usually rigid diet. It is stressful to know you are entering several days of eating copious amounts of food served in hotel buffets or restaurants; you must deal with the constant temptation to completely avoid eating because no one is monitoring you. However, it can also be a time when you lose control entirely by overindulging on ‘forbidden’ foods that you have so long resisted. Eating these food is not a problem per se, …

Memory. A vital gift that gives us the ability to learn and build on past experiences. Remembering events we are fond of in our lives brings us joy, as we summon a mere whisper of the intense happiness felt at the time. It is important to remember and cherish our pasts. But what happens if our memory fails us; when we want to suppress the events in our lives that are pivotal yet so painful. Can we then honestly say we have learned, accepted and moved on from the pain? Locking away such memories is often the easiest path to choose in traumatic experiences, yet whether it is the right one very much depends on the fragility of the person’s mind. I find many, unlike me, are …

Pride. These days this word is often used in conjunction with an arrogant individual, however how can we deny someone the right to be proud of themselves for accomplishing an event they did not think themselves capable of. When it comes to recovery from Anorexia, pride will often be accompanied with guilt. Why should we feel joy in eating an ‘unsafe’ food we had so long been ecstatic in our ability to cut out? It is necessary to overcome the natural urges from the Anorexia and see how amazing it is that after suffering for so long, to have that first slice of bread. At first hearing the congratulations from others fills you with a self-loathing that drives you to feel the need to compensate for …

Idling. Sometimes in life your foot will find itself firmly on the clutch and poised on the accelerator ready to go, yet will you manage to set off on the journey or will you simply stall and have to start again? The waiting game during recovery from an eating disorder is one of the hardest things to cope with. You have a yearning to get on with life, but the limitations within your mind mean you cannot embark on your future until the block comes away. When it seems that you cannot go forwards, but reversing is not an option either, then you can’t help but wonder what to do, how to handle the situation, how to idle by…Entering the third year of university I have found …

Success. Everyone sets themselves a goal in their lives, which once they have attained, is their own personal definition of success. Success is subjective and therefore other people can rarely assess the extent of the achievement in someone’s life. Victories need not be on a large scale to be deemed important, as there will always be the small successes in life. Yet, are these small victories worthy of the same level of satisfaction? I believe so. When recovering from anorexia, successes arise on a daily basis. Be it the day you eat a slice of bread or even the day you finally attain the healthy BMI range (which I personally have yet again achieved), all events leave you with the knowledge that you are one step closer …

Hiding. This is the concealment, or indeed, the cover-up of a truth that one would rather not divulge. Despite the huge leaps that society has made in the awareness of mental illness, I find that it is still very much a social taboo. Supressing your feelings and inner most fears has very much become the norm in this day and age, yet it is something that we must fight against. The problem is how do you fight for something you are still afraid to not be accepted for? Most of our society however, has finally achieved an understanding and maybe even a respect for those who share their experience with psychiatric problems. But what if you reveal yourself and fall on that minority of people who …