You are not the bad guy in the story of your life.

If you read a novel and the main character made all the same, moment by moment, choices that you have, in the context of a life identical to yours, the result, I’m sure, would be compassion and empathy for that character—not judgement.

At every turn of your life from the day you were born you have first acted to keep yourself safe and soothed. This is primal. This makes sense. You make sense. 

We don’t always have access to resources within ourselves that might steer us toward less harmful actions. Sometimes our actions hurt ourselves or others. And still this doesn’t make us the bad guy.

If you are carrying around a thousand pound boulder of guilt and shame, of belief that you failed in some way or should have done better I implore you to put the boulder down. Forgive yourself!

You are not the bad guy in the story of your life.

You have always always always been trying to survive.

That might mean that for thirty years you came home from work and binged on food you didn’t taste or enjoy.

That might mean that for a while you lived beyond your means, regularly buying shoes and other empty impulse purchases

That might mean that you’ve acted poorly, childlike perhaps, toward a friend or family member. Lashed out. Been selfish. Held a grudge. 

No matter the scenario: you are still not the bad guy in the story of your life.

You are just the human—good, fallible, sacred—finding your way.

Forgive yourself. Please.

Your unnecessary self-judgement and shame only builds walls: between you and I, between you and your self, between you and life.

As you read back over the book of you, notice that it makes perfect sense why the protagonist made that choice and then, as they say, take heart that when you know better you will do better.

Related post: Doing your best.

(c) Rachel W Cole – Read entire story here.