For years, I swore off buying premium denim. It wasn’t about the cost; I truly believe a good pair of jeans is worth every penny and if you wait for the perfect pair to go on sale, it can be an especially sweet treat.

The real reason I swore it off was because I was being stubborn as hell about it: I wanted to be back in my “skinny jeans” — read as, my comfortable size — before splurging. But here’s the thing: I never got there. And I’m not really trying hard to get there now, either.

As I’ve said before, I am back to my pre-Weight Watchers size and weight from 2004, but the weight has been distributed differently than it was when I was 24.  And my body is different; things have moved and shifted. I no longer have a totally flat stomach, my curves are curvier than I’d like them to be, and my waist is thicker than I’d like it to be. But THIS body has carried two beautiful children. THIS body has doesn’t restrict or over-exercise anymore. THIS body ran a half marathon and is training for another in October, one in April, and then a 15 miler in May.  And in spite of what it may sound here, I don’t hate this body. Sure, I wish it was leaner and stronger and yes, wish I was back at a more comfortable weight for my body; I like that thinner version of me I haven’t seen in many, many years.

But I don’t hate it. This body has done a lot of cool things. Yet here I was, depriving myself of a pair of great jeans waiting for my dream body to magically reappear, without doing any of the work!

(Go ahead and laugh, it’s OK).

Of course, I know what I should do to lose weight again — eat better (ban sugar, ban unhealthy carbs and processed food), continue my running regimen (I’m winning there–adding in some sprints would do my wonders)!, add in some lifting and resistance training (totally failing there). I have all the knowledge in the world about nutrition, fitness, etc but it’s simply not enough if I’m not working it. As a billboard I saw on a gym in town says, “To make it work, you have to do the work.” Let’s be real: in Jillian Michaels’ own words, I’ve been “phoning it in” — I’ve not been doing the work. This isn’t intended as a self-criticism but rather the truth: I’ve not been putting my all into it, and the weight won’t magically fall off.

Which brings me back to premium denim. Why should jeans that fit great be only a reward and not something I treat myself to now, to enjoy, until I get where I want to be? Why is it so bad to want something I can wear and feel good in this skin?

So I bit the bullet. Nordstrom was having a sale and the only size left in the jeans I’ve been eyeing for months was mine, and they were 30 or 40{dfac5e6feebc182a3317a1800a78117261554ecfb6a579338c4abc2638d58697} off–can’t remember (as of this evening, they’re back online now in three sizes, but full-price now — boo). It felt destined to be, and so I ordered them and absolutely love them. I feel like a rockstar in them. (Truth be told, I could have sized down in these and would if I got another pair someday — they have some stretch — but that’s neither here nor there; you never know how each brand of jeans will fit and when they’re on sale and you love them, you say yes please, take my money!)

So the moral of this story is don’t wait. Whether you love your body exactly as it is, or want to lose some weight, or gain some weight — don’t hold off feeling good in your own skin until “XYZ.” Because XYZ may never come.

It’s much better to be happy in the here and now, in jeans you love and feel amazing wearing.